my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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