i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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