i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
