i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
