after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
