i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
