just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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