RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
