Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
