Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
