Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think your dad took our porno
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
