Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't deserve a penis
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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