I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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