Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
