First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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