Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
