I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
