Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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