a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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