You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
