Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
