I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
