giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
