ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
