dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
