either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
