woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
