It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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