He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
