I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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