People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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