Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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