I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I love having hate sex.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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