The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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