So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
