Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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