Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
