I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
