I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
