man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
