i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
