...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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