I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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