Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
