Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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