Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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