I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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