I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
