I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
