Im at strip club and am horny
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
