You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
