she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
