We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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