I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
