saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
